how my madness began.

[horrorman]

most people wonder how I got into the strangle fetish. well like most I started when I was 13.
me and my dad were wandering in our local blockbuster store. even then I loved horror movies and I had seen most of what they had. so I went for and old hitchcock film called frenzy. before that day I had never seen that movie. I had seen psycho but not many other of hitch's films.
so I took it home and watched it while my parents went to saturday bingo. at first the movie seemed boring then the famous strangle scene came on. I was shocked and at the same time thrilled sexually. (I popped a boner) so the rest of the night I was rewinding and playing the same scene over and over. (vhs tape) needless to say I was hooked. but it wasn't till I found the web years later that I found our little community. a home away from home. (yes I took the tape back) and thank god for dvd and blue ray.
so now you know.

[Bluestone]

Thanks for sharing Horrorman!

I think you'll find that lots of members here were exposed to such content during puberty and found it stimulating and erotic.

As a boy, I skipped school a lot. Both of my parents worked, so when I faked sickness, I was home alone and had the house to myself, my sister being a keener and never skipping school. I watched old black and white movies that were rerun on TV. I remember seeing "The Houston Story". A stacked platium blonde (Barbara Hale) is grabbed and thrown into the back seat of a car. The car takes off as she is interrogated by two thugs. Then, when they have the information that they need, she is shot, and her body tossed out the open door of the speeding car. I was in shock too! I also had a boner! Go figure!

Blue

[horrorman]

Thank you blue.

[Steph]

I remember the Houston story. I thought the acting was great. In the days before gory FX there had to be something to catch the attention and the imagination!

I first dressed up to roleplay my death when I was about seven. I portrayed a saloon girl in 'Gunsmoke' who fell for Marshall Dillon and shot Miss Kitty in jealousy before being gunned down by the Marshall. I had sewn myself a dress from an old slip in the dressing up box I had and filled the cups with silk handkerchiefs. I was too young to understand the sexual undertones but felt excited and guilty just the same as I clutched at my left 'breast' and collapsed on to my bed.

I think though that the actual origin of my erotic death obseession goes back even further. The brain is supposed to be quite malleable as far as the connections it makes up to about four years old. When I was three I saw a BBC spy series my parents were watching. There were two bumbling detective types - I remember them driving round and round a roundabout being chased by the baddies! But the heroine was apparently shot and killed early on before returning in the final episode to confront the chief villain, pistol in hand and wearing a BBC style evening gown. I think that was where the connections were first made. Perhaps that even explains why I love evening gowns, although perhaps special programming for that isn't necessary for a blonde.

[bullseye]

I've seen a lot of posts on various sites where people describe their awakening while watching a scene from a movie or TV show, and I'm never quite convinced, perhaps because I'm a bit of an outsider even within what we call a community. Don't people understand that they already had the fetish before they saw that scene? After all, millions of other people saw the same thing and didn't get all hot and bothered--they may have even felt bad. Haven't you ever been in a cinema when some beautiful babe met her maker on screen, only hear some oaf in the audience shout 'Oh, no!" or (even worse) "What a waste!" (as if only her death would have prevented her from hooking up with him!

My point is that only certain people get off on those scenes, and that the fetish was in their subconscious before they ever saw that particular performance. They do get influenced by the peripheral and arbitrary details of that "primal scene" (which isn't really primal), and it influences their interest in irrelevant details of costume, and so on. I like to think that I was a little more aware than some, since I've been aware of my predilection for as long as I can recall, and the consistent failure of the mass media to portray it has been a source of frustration since early childhood. When I saw somebody stabbed in the stomach, I didn't jump for joy, I thought that the knife should have been buried in her breast instead, And in the fullest, fleshiest, feelingest part of that breast as well. The fact that I never got to see this in the mass media always struck me as censorship, in a society that rarely acknowledged boobs, much less the fascinating ways they could be misused. And when the mainstream wasn't targeting tummies, they even more infuriatingly took their best shots at the cleavage, which to me is merely the absence of something. Do people long to squeeze and tease and kiss cleavage? Or is its fetishization merely a way to avoid the forbidden fruit that surrounds it?

Anyway, knowing that what I wanted wasn't generaslly available made me aware of a more basic impulse than one dependent on a fascination with fabrics or clothing styles ("ooh, a cotton and polyester blend!"). I think that to lunge for the nipple is a basic infantile impulse, genetically ingrained to insure survival, and that infant sexuality, barely aware of genitalia, imagines the breast to be the primary erogenous zone and the perfect target for penetration. In fact, I submit that the design of a target (concentric circles with the center as bullseye) is based on the configuration of the breast. Luckily for me, after years of these unsatisfying insights,the computer was invented so bullseyes could finally be portrayed by saintly actresses.

All of this by way of saying that people may not have realized it, but the seeds of their strange desires were probably planted, like mine, in earliest childhood, and actually only triggered by those adolescent viewing experiences. And if people hadn't been led astray by Hollywood, everybody would be crazy for bullseyes like me!

But then, of course, there are those who would say that I am mad...

And Steph, I adore your story about making yourself an artificial left breast so you could clutch it in agony as you were gunned down on Gunsmoke!

[Steph]

I have a dear friend who used to be transgender before surgery. She tells me that many transsexuals know they are different from their earliest years. Which is of course why I've come to beleive that it is not a perverse choice for them. For me the fact that I can remember this BBC series so clearly from a time when so few memories remain suggests it must have been highly significant to me.

I do think however that there there is also a case for a latent possibility being triggered. My first ever orgasm was part of my fetish roleplaying. I was nearly fourteen and had borrowed a cocktail dress from my mother's wardrobe. I can't remember the scenario I had thought up but the dress was a particularly heavy sensuous material in light blue and had a faint smell of mothballs (which I still find arousing by association!) and perfume. I didn't know what my feelings and tenseness meant until I erupted. Something about that scene I was playing, most probably the dress, triggered a response in my body. So why shouldn't a film or TV programme or even a book do the same? I'm sure there have always been people like us and something must have set people off before the box.

[JoeBob]

I agree with Bullseye - some of us are just born pervs and are only waiting for the "trigger."

I knew since before puberty that there was something about the female movie death that "peaked" my interest. What really confirmed it was the scene in "Swamp Thing" where Adrienne Barbeau is skewered through her left breast with a sword and OMG! - her breast bled and she grabbed it. I had never seen anything like that on TV or a movie.

This was shown on Joe Bob Brigg's basic cable TV show - "Drive-in Theater" so the scene where she walks out of the water nekkid was cut, making me an extremely frustrated teenager until the stabbing scene at the end. I played it over in my head for weeks after that and it always gave me a boner.

P.S. I finally ordered the uncut version and was not disappointed. A.B. is still the queen of the B movies in my book.

(I previously posted this on DS for anyone having a deja vous moment.)

[horrorman]

most people say that about gay people. they were born that way. I don't buy it, not for on minute. because I never had any thoughts like that before I saw the movie. yes I liked horror movies but because I loved being shocked and scared.
and my love for strangling did not happen overnight. at first I thought I was crazy for having these thoughts. because I thought only crazy poeple got off on people being murdered. but my best friend told me crazy people do not know they are crazy. so there was nothing to worry about. and when I discovered the web I found other people like myself. so your comment holds no weight.
sorry to pop your bubble there.

[Deviated]

I do fetishes are a learned trait, seized on at a very early age (quite possibly before the first remembered "aha!" moment). We know a lot of sexual responses are learned - that's why cultures can vary so much in what they find attractive. That must mean at some point in our youth we are primed to learn what is sexy - and fetishists learned a few things outside of normal parameters.

I know I loved horror movies from a young age, and I suspect most the sexual activity I saw in my youth, I saw in horror films and B flicks on stuff like USA Up All Night. I've no doubt that is a big part of why I have this particular fetish. I can remember a few "aha!" scenes, but I've no idea which came first - the general idea might have been primed well before that.

[Rusk is my hero]

Thanks for giving me the opportunity of going back to my roots. This is also my first post so bear with me. I was brought up in the ‘50s on a British working class street, with many cinemas nearby. With an unmarried aunt, I would go at least twice a week. Bless her; she sat through many westerns, adventure and “sword and sandal” films. However occasionally there would be a thriller where a woman was killed. This made me very uncomfortable; at the time I thought it was because women shouldn’t be killed - they were mothers, housewives etc. I didn’t realise then that I was uncomfortable because I probably enjoyed the murder.

My friends and I would visit second hand bookshops to buy comics. There was also True Detective type magazines for sale, some imported from the States. At a time when there weren’t many scantily dressed women in film or TV, the sight of lingerie clad women in peril excited me, especially if the threat they faced was strangling. I didn’t buy any because I knew my parents would be furious. There was something “wrong” with these magazines.

The media became more liberal, if that is the word. Newspapers like “The Sun” had topless models on page 3, and if those models had something decorative around their neck – a ribbon, a scarf – then my cup did run over. The first sight of a tongue protruding from a strangled woman came in ‘68 in the BBC series about a pathologist – “The Expert”. Exciting things could also creep up on you – Rhonda Fleming nearly strangled in the Bob Hope comedy The Great Lover. At school I bought a second hand war book (“Comrades of War”, Sven Hassell) expecting the usual stuff. But the protagonists spend the first half of the book in a hospital in Hamburg, where someone is raping women, strangling them with their own stockings and stealing their panties. There was one graphic description. By then I realised I was totally gone with this fetish and that I was a bad person. Nobody must ever know!

Then “Frenzy”. No bones about it, Hitchcock shared my fetish. What a bonus when video came along – your own private copy. And with the video stores, browsing could find Don’t answer the phone, Halloween (P J Soles), Swinging Barmaids (Katie Saylor) etc.

The internet – Necrobabes, which I joined, heart pounding. This was wrong, I was a bad man. But there must be many bad men, or there wouldn’t be sites like this. Were we bad? We didn’t hurt anybody.

To confess, I think I was disappointed with most of the stories posted in Necrobabes. I don’t really know why; I felt very ungrateful considering that a few years before I would have been over the moon to discover something like that.

And so here I am today, still a fetishist, still slightly guilty. My favourite scenario is the office scene from Frenzy. I could watch that with variations over and over again. Possibly one variation would be the woman wearing stockings instead of pantyhose, and after the failed rape, the killer would peel one off and wrap it around her neck instead of his tie. Also, how about a Frenzy mini-series – we see 4 victims in the film but know there are many others. Show how they met their end, who they were etc.

Other suggestions (mostly derivative):

• The gangster’s girl-friend who knows too much and has to be silenced. He sends his hitman whom the woman knows and thinks is a friend. They have a few drinks before he kills her. My fevered imagination came up with the embellishment that she was a former actress, whose most important role was being strangled in a film, by Michael Caine maybe? The hitman gets her drunk and speaks about her career. He asks her to dress up and act out the scene where she is murdered. She laughs and does so and he strangles her – just like her film.
• The stewardess (in a nice, sexy uniform) who has been running drugs. She meets the boss to deliver her latest cargo but he is closing down the operation and silencing all his operatives.
• The girl who doesn’t realise that the blue movie / photo shoot is going to turn into a snuff one. (Sidney Sheldon’s Bloodline used this but could have been better.)
• Hookers in all sorts of ways….

[Steph]

Rusk,

Welcome to the site and to a fellow Brit. Thank you for sharing.

[Jerry]

Unlike most kids, most of my time was spent drawing, playing legos, or writing. I think I was 5, watching TV which in itself was a rare occurrence (and still is) and there was this scene of a woman and a man getting shot and I had this weird feeling in my mind and I liked it. I'm usually bored by TV but found myself engrossed in what was on TV, but whatever it was, it was pretty much over. No, it wasn't any of the Bonnie & Clyde movies. After the show, I pretty much went into my room and was thinking about that scene. I just sat there for awhile and just started playing legos. I didn't have many friends because of my loner nature so playing cops & robbers or cowboys & indians wasn't happening.

So after my "awakening" :rolleyes: I'd periodically leave my room to see what was on TV and ask "what are you watching?" just to try to figure out if there was going to be a death by shooting or stabbing. The weird thing about the whole thing (before I even knew of fetish, hell I was only 5 or 6 and lived a sheltered life) is that while TV made me extremely bored up until the point of a woman or hell, even a guy getting theirs was "oooh". When I was allowed to watch Carrie (1976) one Halloween night I thought the coolest scenes were at the end. Carrie covered in blood, then her mom getting knived and carried. Then I started watching a little more TV & movies but to sit there for a whole hour just to see someone get theirs was disappointing... I could be writing, or even playing legos. This alone made me want to keep "it" secret. Didn't stay secret for long when I started drawing violent pictures, even in 1st grade. My fare wasnt that of a usual first grader since I would sit and "study" things and reproduce them on paper. After getting into some trouble at school and home when my parents found out I "drew dead people" I quit drawing all together which actually made my parents and teachers upset since they said I should be an artist or designer. So instead, I started writing.

Also while growing up, we got evicted a lot since my father didnt believe in paying rent, so most of the time my legos stayed in storage across state or out of state for most of my childhood so all I really had was my mind, paper and pencils and a small tub of legos. Only what can fit in a car for 3 of us. Mom, sister & me crossing state lines moving in with family. My favorite pasttime... "getting our stuff out of storage".

Fast forward to when I was done with 5th grade I was drawing mechanical animals, vehicles, landscape scenes, etc with elaborate shading, but no people. Secret is out, I couldn't draw people that well but I could draw them impaled, dismembered, disemboweled, shot, mutilated, etc. No necro, just all war & hate.

Then I got back to writing and illustrating which continued throughout middle school when I ended up turning my "Stories" into a pen and paper RPG (which the RPG still remains semi-active to this day). Highschool became a total turning point for pretty much everything and I wont go into all of it here, but since I can remember, I've been "different". When the foundation of what you grew up with knowing the difference between fantasy & reality and approaching problems with logic & science fails, things happen. Several other events over the course of several months turned me into a cold distant person which can turn off his emotions at will. I went from loving family, to hating everyone in the course of just a few weeks and the results of that will not be posted. In short, the whole environment I was in put me into a very dark mood and my drawings and stories reflected that. Nobody knew my actual state of mind until just a couple years ago and this all occurred in 94-96.

When my environment changed, it took me months to stabilize (and years to "recover") without medication but meditation. At this point all my "work" shifted again and I "cleaned" up my old works and made them less vile but I didn't explore my fetish outside of the occasional movie and the WWW was still waaaay outside my reach, I didn't own a computer.

By the time I did get a computer it wouldn't be till another 4 years when I'd get the internet on the "family computer" in 2001. Fast forward until just a year ago when my fetish was re-ignited when I seen a video on youtube and loved it, and in particular one comment. "I didn't know anyone else liked this stuff too. I thought I was the only one.". 29 years old when I figured out other people shared this interest so I started searching youtube and collecting videos. Now, I'm here telling a lot of people who share these dark fetishes something about me that even my closest friend who I've known for 20+ years doesn't know.

Growing up, with my bedroom being the family living room and sleeping on the couch I didn't have any privacy so I have had to go to great lengths to keep this private. My fetish is my only "secret" and no breadcrumb trail exists until now...

Ok.. That's all I'm willing to provide to the world at this time.

[Nyghtfall]

FYI, Jerry...

This thread's nearly a year old, and the OP has since been banned from the board.

[Jerry]

I apologize. I didn't see anything mentioned anywhere about posting in an existing topic or starting a new one.

[Nyghtfall]

No worries. :)

No one's bothered starting any similar topics since, but you're welcome to start one with the post you made in this thread. It's a popular subject whenever it comes up on any board.